Illegal mousetrap

I had a healthy stash of pot in my desk drawer, but mice kept getting inside and eating right through the baggie in order to get their cannabis fix. I would find mouse turds in the box each day. We had no mouse trap, but I had an idea.

"Doesn't the mouse get the munchies after eating the marijuana?"

So I left on the floor of our kitchen a large paper bag containing a piece of cheese and a lollipop. Sure enough, in the evening we would hear the mouse rustling inside the paper bag, and I would capture it by closing the top before it could get out. Then we would bring the bag with the stoned mouse out to an empty lot across the street and let it go free, only to be caught sooner or later by a stray cat, who in turn would get zonked out from having eaten the stoned mouse.

Although we had literally invented a better mouse trap--a non-violent one, at that--the world was not exactly beating a path to our door, as promised by the folklore of the capitalist system.

I had been performing stand-up comedy, and naturally that little experience turned into a bit on stage. I would weave an imaginary story about how I had found myself becoming especially stoned on this stash, but I could not figure out what made it so powerful. Then I decided to send a sample to Pharm-Chem, a sort of People's Food and Drug Administration, and they informed me that a preliminary test showed there was an unknown additive in my marijuana.

They could ascertain only that it was organic. But further testing indicated that it was mouse turds. So I began to entice the mice by leaving marijuana out and capturing them with the old lollipop-in-the-bag ploy. I would collect their turds until I had enough to roll a dynamite joint. I had discovered a new and cheap way of getting high: smoking mouse turds.